Hope For Families Adoption and Home Study Agency

Some Common Needs of Children in Foster Care: Understanding the Waiting Child Bulletin
by Valerie Pitcher Valerie Pitcher is a child specific adoption recruitment specialist for A Family for Every Child (AFFEC). Through a DHS contract, Valerie develops individual recruitment plans (IRP's) for Oregon's foster children who have special needs and have been in foster care the longest. Prior to AFFEC, Valerie worked at DHS for 10 years, as a child welfare worker and a consultant/trainer (training new child welfare workers). She has also been a foster parent, a skill trainer and a director for group homes and day treatment facilities. Generally, when a child is in foster care 15 out of 22 months, their DHS worker is required to change the child's plan from #1: to return the child to a parent, to #2: another permanent alternative. This change in plan should not be a surprise to the Court, the parents, the children, or the care providers because DHS workers are also required to develop that alternate plan at the same time plan #1 is developed. That way, if the children are unable to return home, they will not have to languish in foster care, and can begin to heal from their abuse in a safe and permanent placement. The preferred alternative # 2 plan is usually adoption because that's what's best for most children, hence, the Waiting Child Bulletin. The following is an excerpt from a Waiting Child Bulletin: "Johnny is a handsome, blue-eyed 7 year old boy who would do well in a two parent home or with a single parent with a solid support system. He enjoys climbing trees and playing with Legos. He is learning how to get along with his peers. Families with no other children in the home or older children are preferred, so Johnny can receive the individual attention he needs and deserves. Johnny needs structure, consistency, predictability and clear boundaries. Johnny will thrive in a home where the parents are active and patient, and can delay their own emotional gratification, while Johnny has time to slowly attach and bond to his new family. Johnny needs a family who can commit to him, accept his individual needs and advocate for him now and in the future. It is the hope that the adoptive parent(s) will be open to continued contact between Johnny and his siblings." The Waiting Child Bulletin is a description of the child and what s/he needs in terms of a family. Historically, child bulletins have been written by Child Welfare workers for Adoption workers from Oregon and other states who are familiar with placing traumatized children. The purpose of the bulletin is for matching a waiting child with a prospective family. The bulletin continues to serve as a tool in recruiting adoptive families, and is one of the DHS (in-house 400 series) documents, required for the adoption to move forward. Bulletins were used long before the internet and adoption websites and were not intended to be read by the general population. Over time, the bulletin has evolved to meet current demands; to adhere to strict Oregon statutes, DHS policy and federal law. Workers are required to protect the child's rights by eliminating the use of diagnoses and other protected information. For example, a bulletin might state that the child is very active and requires supervision, which could mean that the child has ADHD (Attention Deficit/Hyperactive Disorder) and requires Ritalin (medication) and 24/7 supervision. The Worker struggles to balance protecting the child's privacy with informing prospective adoptive parents of the child's needs, and at the same time, give a glimpse into the child's personality. The challenge is compounded by the fact that it's difficult to know if the child's behavior now (or in the past) is an indication of who he is today or can be once permanency is established. Most state adoption workers understand the rules and the challenges, and can interpret the language of the bulletin, but the general public, may not. Many prospective parents don't realize that all children who have been abused, neglected, removed from their families and then placed again and again, absolutely require those commonly used, desirable parental qualities (mentioned in the bulletin excerpt, above), in order to heal and, that is why many of the bulletins have similar language. A 2 parent home or a single parent, with a good support system is good for any parent and child, but for a foster child, trying to adapt to an adoptive placement, the parental demands and stresses can be overwhelming. This can result in the adoptive parent giving up on the child or a failed adoption, which is devastating to the child. Consistency, structure, predictability and setting boundaries are good for all children, but for foster children, these attributes are essential for the child to feel safe. It is crucial that these children know the adoptive parents are in control of themselves and the home. Foster children are sometimes behind academically for a variety of reasons, including moving frequently and changing schools. They also often lag behind other children socially because they never learned the rules, but even 5 and 6 year old foster children can be adept at reading adult cues and can usually spot an adult who is out of control or easy to manipulate, emotionally. Foster kids often challenge the authority of even strong parents and will test their level of commitment and resolve, day in and day out; until they are sure the parents will keep them and love them, no matter what. Once that happens, the adop-tion is usually successful. Parents who are active and patient are highly valued, as many foster children have never had an adult actually play with them or take an interest in their activities, at least not patiently. These kids often attempt to meet their own needs, keep their worries to themselves and lack trust. Many have not bonded to adults, or if they have, it may have been an unhealthy bond. More than likely, most of their bonds have been broken along the way. Not having to compete for attention with other children is something most kids would like, but for a foster child, competition for attention can be very harmful, while trying to adjust to their new family. The foster child may withdraw further, or may become (more) aggressive toward children, parents and pets, in the short term. In addition, many of the children in foster care have been sexually abused. Sometimes, this is a known fact; often, it is merely suspected (based on the child's or bio parent's behavior). Diligent supervision is often required to determine if the child is safe around younger children and if the child has some unmet need for treatment (after adoption). From the child worker's perspective, if there are fewer children in the home to care for, there is more attention for the foster child and less need for 24/7 supervision, thus a greater chance for a successful adoption. Parents who are open to continued contact with the child's sibling(s) or other relatives are more likely to honor the child's past connections, and will likely be more supportive of whom the child is, rather than who they want the child to be. These children need parents whose first priority is helping that child to heal, not how well that child will fill a space in the family. All foster children need to feel connected and valued before they can get past their abuse and grow beyond their labels. For the average prospective adoptive parent who has little or no experience dealing with traumatized children, those often stated parental qualities seem reasonable enough to meet most of the time. Some prospective adoptive parents read these bulletins and see the cute images of the children on their favorite website and say, hey, we can do that. Unfortunately, once the extent of the child's trauma and needs are disclosed, they pull back and look for another child to better fit their family. We need to better educate the general population of prospective adoptive parents to the common characteristics and shared needs of the foster children they hope to adopt, so that the individuality of the child can shine through in the Waiting Child Bulletins. Until then, hard working DHS workers will continue to seek 2-parent, patient, active, consistent, predictable and structured families, with older children or no other children in the home.

Changes at year end of 2010 may impact your adoption costs!
Please click the link to this article
http://taxes.about.com/b/2009/11/03/adoption-tax-credit-updated-for-2010.htm